Formed as Family: A Missional Value of Trinity Covenant Church ~ Romans 12:9-13; 1 John 2:10

 

Formed as family, we welcome all people, share our gifts, and offer our whole selves to put love into action (1 John 2:10; Romans 12:9-13)

We are a (hypocritical) family.

We will never be able to live fully into what we are called and formed to be if we cannot reckon with who we truly are. And the honest fact is that we are a broken community, a bruised bunch, a bewildered family, saved by grace who struggle with hypocrisy. And perhaps the most lovingly genuine thing we can say this morning is that we believe in and struggle with a God who is forming us as family. And we can say that without shame, without guilt, but with confession, forgiveness, and acceptance because we understand this to be God’s work and that God loves us as we are. The most devastating reality in any family is not so much conflict but when family members have to pretend and cannot be themselves.

Greek of the week: Paul says “Let love be without hypocrisy!” (hē agape anypokritos, Romans 12:9). The adjective is a negation of hypokritos, which is related to the noun often used for actors, ones who wear masks: hypokritēs. There are connotations of “play-acting” or “charade.” In our age full of easily kindled social media personas and techno-masks, it’s so easy to present versions of ourselves that are fake. And friends, I’ve told you that for our particular community the sickness that seeks to kill us is not secular culture or political divisiveness but our own pretending, our refusal to be vulnerable, our hidden woundedness that we conceal from one another and God – in this place. Let love be without a mask! Do you know what two of the worst curse words are? I’m talking about bad words like the “F-word” and the G-word” that I hear a lot of you say in church. In fact, we should have swear jar at the coffee station any time someone says them. I didn’t want to say them myself but you leave me no choice. I’m talking about the words "fine" and "good." How many times do we hear, “I’m fine.” Or, even worse, “I’m good” to signal that we don’t need anything. What is currently killing the church is not so much acting bad but bad acting. We present ourselves at Trinity as an army of doctors without any patients while we shiver and cough in corners and behind screens. We have so many who are willing to jump into the fray of being helpers but no one willing to say, “I need help.” And that’s our hypocrisy. For "love to be genuine," another translation of Romans 12:9, we must be able to speak openly of our need for love, our wounds, our anxieties, and our failures. Paul says, “Love allows us to be honest.”

So this value is less of a moral exhortation and more of a honest confession and prayer. We are a broken people who pray for God to form us. Our constant pretending is why we tend to hide and excuse bad behavior rather than confront it and deal with it. What you can’t admit, often can’t be healed. So I think it helpful to think of this value with the opening phrase “Let us be formed as family” because this value, perhaps more than any of the others, is more prayer than reality, more hope than actuality. It truly is something that must be done to us by God and something that we must acknowledge and surrender to. We state that we desire to “offer our whole selves” and that must include even our broken parts. And we cannot share with one another, if we hypocritically pretend that each of us has everything that we need. To be formed as family means that we can confess our hypocrisy and in doing so be less of a hypocrite. But is also means that . . .

We are a (bigger) family (than we think).

The church desires to be marked by such practices as “brotherly love” and “familial devotion” (philostorgoi, 12:10), service, celebration, endurance (12:11–12), caring for the needs of others and pursuing hospitality, which literally in the Greek means “love of strangers,” philoxenia, 12:13). 

Sometimes, this section is outlined as Paul’s exhortation for how followers of Jesus are to live oriented toward their own community (12:9–13) and then how to respond to those outside who persecute (12:14–21). However, things are not so clear cut. And it would be naïve to assume that persecution, mistreatment, and causes for vengeance occur only outside of Christian fellowship. In fact, as recent stories about abuse and misconduct from prominent church leaders indicate, these appeals from the apostle are as relevant for Christians experiencing trauma from fellow believers as for those suffering attack from outsiders. 

We are an outsider family, a strange family because we love stangers outside and even persecutors within. We are family because we commit, however failingly, to love all who enter our lives, who come through our doors. We are a family because we seek to love like Jesus. Loving like Jesus involves solidarity with those who might even be antagonistic. Paul has already stated in Romans that Christ died for the ungodly (Romans 5:6). God’s love was expressed like this: while “we were yet sinners; Christ died for us” (5:8). God’s reconciling love came to us even while we were enemies (5:10)! It is from God’s very example that Paul can urge his audience to “bless those who persecute” (12:14), to “not repay evil in return for evil” (12:17), and to not be “avenging yourselves” (12:19). So when read all together what makes us family is not so much something that fences us in but that which destroys all fences to begin with. I love the African-American practice of referring to everyone as “brother and sister." Those are fence destroying words.

In this light, the kingdom of God, we learn, is best pronounced “kindom.” A commitment to welcome all people as God’s own IS what makes us family. The need for redemption must never be used to define people as something other than brother and sister. God is the one who forms us family and God is the one who creates everyone and everything. What defines this family is not something - not blood,  not country, not a building, not language  - it's the love action of God, grounded in Jesus, that we try and emulate. 

Formed as family means eating stone soup.

You know the story. A hungry traveler comes to a village, carrying nothing more than an empty cooking pot. Upon his arrival, the villagers are unwilling to share any of their food with the stranger. So he goes to a stream and fills the pot with water, drops a large stone in it, and places it over a fire. One of the villagers becomes curious and asks what he his doing. The stranger answers that he is making "stone soup”, which tastes wonderful and which he would be delighted to share, although it still needs a little bit of garnish which is missing, to improve the flavor.

The villager, who himself is hungry, brings a few carrots which are added to the soup. Another villager walks by, inquiring about the pot, and the stranger again mentions the stone soup which has not yet reached its full potential. More and more villagers walk by, each adding another ingredient, like potatoes, onions, cabbage, peas, celery, tomatoes, corn, chicken, and pork, even a hand full of salt and pepper. Finally, the stone (being inedible) is removed from the pot, and a delicious and nourishing pot of soup is enjoyed by everyone. Friends, that’s the story of us. What do you have to bring? When we are a family we all have something to share and we all get something to eat. A formed-as-family love recognizes that we need each other to eat well, to bring about, and cling to, the good.

Paul gives examples of how to cling to the good (verses 10-13). He uses the word agape for love in v. 9, but becomes more specific by using phileo in verse 10 and then powerful images like: let your love be heartfelt; be eager to show each other honor; be set on fire by the Spirit; be devoted to prayer; contribute to the needs of the saints, which literally means “participate in.” To “participate in” others’ needs isn’t simply to give your own resources for their material needs, like food, clothing, and shelter. To participate means to give of yourself. True love always participates. If you don’t have an onion, set the table. If you can’t set the table, wash some dishes. If you can’t wash the dishes, play games with children. If you’re too sick or tired or sad to do any of that, then come and participate and let us take care of you. You can be a Saint-in-need.

In the end, to be family means it’s not about what you bring – it’s the incredible, one-of-a-kind, always loved, worthy-of-honor, saint and gift that you were made to be.  We don’t need you to join us so that we can squeeze every bit of life blood, or money, or service, from you. To be formed as family means that everyone is a guest of honor at God’s banquet and that everyone eats.