Prayer and Sex (Or, how to get exhausted people's attention) ~ Matthew 6:6-15

 

The writer Philip Yancey is in his book on prayer says, “I think prayer is analogous to sex. (People’s ears always perk up when I say that.) Most people would complain about their sex lives; a few do really well. Sex and prayer are intimate and over-glamorized relationships. We all are led to believe that we should be in the stratosphere in sex and in prayer. It sets up a false expectation. And breaks down intimacy.”

And let’s be honest, hearing a sermon on prayer has some parallels to reading a manual on sex. What often sounds thrilling bears little resemblance to how sex usually plays out between two vulnerable people who approach it with very different expectations. Like sex, prayer centers on relationship more than a technique, and the differences between the two parties in prayer are far more profound than the differences between two lovers. Should it surprise us that problems arise? Should it surprise us in a world of Hollywood glitz and glamor that even a hearing a sermon on prayer makes us worried, restless, and tired. And yet I truly we believe that we long to pray, we ache for that intimacy, we desire to know and be known by God (which again is Biblical language for the sexual act). Today I won’t be able to address all your concerns, all your questions, all your expectations, but perhaps Jesus’ words can give us encouragement that is honest without producing the alienation and exhaustion that seems the norm when prayer is the topic of discussion.

And the first thing that Jesus says . . .

You don’t have to perform, vs. 5.

Jesus first teaches us that we don’t have to be hypocritical. We don’t have to pretend about prayer. The word “hypocrite” comes from the world of the theater and can translate as “play-acting,” it involves active deception by pretending to do or believe something that you knowingly do not. We don’t have to act like we are prayer giants, put on a mask, and stand publicly in religious spaces or public places in order to pray. We need to resist a sort of prayer pornography. When I was a college student, the Baptist author and preacher, Calvin Miller was visiting my university campus. He was asked what he thought of the new charismatic worship movement and he spoke about the power of it and some of the good things that he appreciated about it – it’s focus on God, it’s relevance to younger people, it’s intimacy and passion. But then he gave a warning that I believe captures Jesus’ own warning about prayer. He said, “However, always remember that when intimacy joins with publicity you get pornography.” Friends, that Jesus’ point. Not that praying in church like Deb Pine has done is wrong. It’s not that. It’s praying publicly in order “to be seen by others.” If that’s what you’re doing – it’s not really praying – it’s simply performing and Jesus is right – that’s the only reward you’re going to get.

You don’t have to find the right word, vs. 7-8.

Jesus also encourages us that we don’t have to give a persuasive speech. I know I’m skipping over vs. 6 but don’t worry, I’ll come back to it. We don’t have to use the right words to be heard by God or receive God’s attention. We don’t have to do it right. In pagan circles in Jesus’ day, one had to use the right words or even to trick the gods, at times, in order to get what one wanted. It was an ever-exhausting game of chess in which one tried to argue one’s case, or badger a god into granting what one wished. And it always involved a bit of manipulation, making sure to share enough but not too much. Friends, Jesus says you don’t need to say a lot of words because you don’t need to manipulate God – God is already for you and “knows what you need before you ask.” There’s no technique necessary. In fact, if you’ll drop the pretense you simply can’t do it wrong. All you need to do is come. Ask young parents what is the correct way for their toddlers to approach them and you will probably get a puzzled look. Correct way? Being a parent means you do your best to remain available to your children and responsive to their needs. If we know that, how much more does God know that. So remember that the one who God wants to meet in prayer is simply yourself. And if you simply come as yourself – you are already doing it right. Immediately after the birth of her third child my wife experienced a difficult and painful divorce and struggled to pray. So she went to visit the Episcopal priest of the church she was attending. After patiently listening to my wife pour out her heart the priest said, “When you are rocking your child just simply turn your attention to God. And that will be prayer enough.”

You can just go to your room, vs. 6.

In Matthew 6:6 Jesus gives a helpful promise for exhausted people who long to pray. He offers us a timeout (Don’t you think that timeouts are wasted on the young?) He encourages cultivating silence as a key component of prayer. Sometimes translated "private room" modern readers have often imagined that Jesus is speaking specifically about a particular place away from prying eyes but ancient Christians thought something else. Since most people didn't have a private room in those days (generally homes where two stories and single rooms), the Desert Fathers and Mothers understood Jesus to be referring to interior silence. The invitation that Jesus extends here is, if you want to pray, you can simply be quiet.

Friends, Jesus invitation to silence is an invitation to recognize that prayer is often contaminated by worries about performance and wordy manipulations. The authenticity of prayer is the ability to come silently, gently, nakedly, as nothing more than one’s own self. “To go to your room” is the invitation to practice of relating to God without trying so hard. Remember that that the “you” that is invited is the actual “you” that you are, and yes, it actually is the “you” singular this time. This “you” is the you that God wants to meet in prayer.

Jesus then teaches us a prayer. It’s 5 verses! So relax. So it doesn’t have to be spontaneous. Most of us have prayed the Lord’s Prayer so that we say it without thinking. It helps to slow down, reflect on each phrase, and even add your personal application.

Our Father, who art in heaven

We begin with an endearing term of relationship – a father, a dad. I know that can be hard for someone. Not all of us had good fathers and even those of us who did know they aren’t perfect. But this Father is in heaven – he is the one who loves us perfectly, beyond measure. But before we move too quickly, this Father is not only “my” Father, but “our.” It is the recognition that God is never merely mine but also that prayer is not something that I ever do alone. Before you pray, others have. When you are done, they still will be.

Hallowed be your name

Hallow is such a good word. To hallow is to make or declare something as holy and sacred. And to hallow God doesn’t necessarily that we are doing anything to God so much as simply recognizing what the Psalmist says, “The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it, the world and all who live in it.” So to hallow God’s name is to recognize that we go out into an enchanted world where everything is stamped with the divine “mine.” To hallow God is to recognize that God’s true name is the “I am” and that all things were made by him and for him. God, in other words, is like that difficult roommate who labels everything in the fridge.

Your kingdom come

And yet, it’s not all is it should be yet. In prayer we are also able to recognize what needs to be made right because it isn’t right now, what needs to be fixed because it’s horribly broken right now, what aches for help because it’s wounded right now.

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven

And so we pray that heaven and earth come closer together. Not so much because these are two separate geographies but because heaven is that place where God’s will is the only will that is done. If you don’t know how to pray – ask yourself – what’s heaven like and pray for that – now – on earth – for your friend, your spouse, a child, an injustice.

Give us today our daily bread

And remember that your body is important and food is important and the nourishment of “us” and not simply me is important.

Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors

You get it, right?

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil (the evil one)

Again – you don’t need me to explain this.

Jesus teaching on prayer is sabbath, it’s literally sabbatical. But if you need something even easier. Try this:

Breath prayer for the kingdom:

Inhale: Your kingdom come

Exhale: Your will be done

Inhale: On earth

Exhale: As in heaven.