We've all seen this funny meme.
It’s so easy to misread Paul sometimes, if not the Bible in general. And this is no more true than our passage today which has been used by many to shame anyone who struggles with anxiety or depression, as if these things are ungodly or, at worse, utterly sinful. But we’ve already encountered in Philippians a Paul who has admitted to his own anxiety.
So when we look at this passage in its broader and more immediate context we discover that this is not a general text about anxiety. Such a vision doesn’t match Paul internally in this letter or own experience outside of it.
Our text today moves from a principled vision of maturity to a particular conflict between two prominent women in the church—Euodia and Syntyche – and practical advice on how to handle it. Both women were well-known leaders in the church but apparently had a disagreement so severe and public that the entire church knew about it, and word had even reached the Apostle Paul (4:2). These women had once been ministry partners, but now they sat on opposite sides of the table. They couldn’t resolve their concerns on their own, so Paul employed a third party—his “true companion”—to lend aid (4:3). Here is Paul’s advice for them and for the church. It’s so simple that little explanation is required. So let’s begin.
1. Take personal responsibility for the conflict (whether directly involved or able to help others reconcile), vss. 2-3
It’s important to recognize that Paul addresses a conflict in the church and the two in conflict by name, directly. Yet, he doesn’t wade into the problem, doesn’t traffic in gossip, doesn’t get too parental, but asks of them to take responsibility for healing the rift and offers them real steps to help them heal the breach. Yet Paul also seems to acknowledge that that might have been tried and so urges this true companion “to help.” Now helping anyone in conflict can be a bit tricky and it certainly demands a level of maturity to not get embroiled in other’s emotions. But, the word “true companion” actually translates to “genuine yokefellow” in the Greek. The yoke was a powerful symbol for unity within the church and ancient society. A plow cannot be pulled if we forget that we are yoked together. It doesn’t work if we try and go in two separate directions. And the fact of the matter is that even a conflict of two can pull a church out of alignment. So it’s not merely the two in conflict that have a stake in the resolution. The entire church is impacted as well as the gospel. Friends, Paul doesn’t turn a blind eye to this conflict because conflict IS a gospel issue. That doesn’t mean that conflict is all bad – it can help clarify and even help a brother or sister become more Christlike. Unaddressed conflict, however, threatens the gospel because it creates barriers between people that Jesus sought to bring down. It’s a gospel issue because unaddressed conflict needs redemption, should be healed, is in need of heaven on earth. One can never say to the gospel and Jesus – “That’s none of your business.”
2. Seek unity in the Lord and rejoice, vss. 2 & 4
Paul's plea for reconciliation between the two women draws on his earlier depiction of “the mind of Christ,” in Philippians 2:1-5, which exhorts the Philippians to “be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” It’s interesting to note that Paul’s solution isn’t so much for them to agree on the issue at hand, whatever that is. Rather, Paul’s admonition is for them to adopt a posture of love and self-sacrifice. “Being of the same mind,” in other words, doesn’t come so much from uniformity but from a commitment to handle disputes “in the Lord” which means a Christlikeness that doesn’t look to your own interest but to the interest of others (4:3-4). Such a posture creates a safe space for conflict to be healed because the goal isn’t winning but caring. The goal isn’t so much being right as being loving. Paul will then go on to say, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Paul wants to remind us that your joy is not in winning an argument, or getting your own way, but is focused upon the one who came to bring peace and end all conflict. If both Euodia and Syntyche are doing that – rejoicing in what God has done – then they are moving that much closer to being bound together. Being “in the Lord” is the mutual purpose of all believers. If you lean into that, if you can rejoice as being a sinner saved by grace, then you’re each working toward a common vision, you are both becoming “yokefellows.”
3. Be gentle with each other, knowing that the Lord is at hand, vs. 5
In conflict the temptation is always to be harsh. It’s always easy to be gentle with ourselves and ruthless with the person that we are struggling with or to imagine that “anything goes” if we are right. Most conflict occurs because of misunderstandings and miscommunication made all the more perilous when people don’t feel safe. Paul has already reminded us that maturity is demonstrated by the understanding that none of us have arrived yet (3:12-14). We all must still press on. How would you want people to handle something that is personal and painful? Gently? Then you must do the same. I’m not sure if I’ve ever repented for being too gentle. Paul’s further comment that “the Lord is at hand” is a gentle warning to remember that we must be mindful about our own sinful actions and behavior and that he suffered and died to redeem us as well as those we are in conflict with. Often in conflict it’s very helpful to remember the prayer – “Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I.” Being gentle with one another is a way to signal that you are not in this conflict to win but to love as Jesus does. And love has a way of turning us from being furious to making us curious. It’s interesting to recall that Jesus unmasked a lot of things by simply asking questions.
4. Don’t be anxious, but take the matter to the Lord in prayer, with thankfulness (even for the party with whom you disagree), and He will give you a guarding peace you cannot achieve, regardless of the outcome, vss. 6-7
When you are in conflict with someone how do you feel? Often
people will share that their stomach hurts or that they feel afraid or anxious.
Paul encourages us to bring these anxieties to God in prayer. Not simply to
pray for ourselves or the conflict but also for the other person involved. Prayer
is a wonderful place to vent and even rage because God is a safe. You can
continue to throw your matches of anger into the deep and wide waters of God’s forgiveness
(whole of imprecatory psalms reveal this). God is fireproof and will accept
your feelings allowing you to let them go. Prayer is the means by which you
acknowledge your anger, your hurt, your pain and rely upon the Spirit to bind
your wounds. Prayer is not self-talk but the deep recognition that in conflict
we must be healed beyond our rational thoughts in those dark pockets of need
that transcend our own understanding. Prayer reminds us that when in conflict,
we often cannot heal ourselves.
5. Think on excellent qualities of the other party, vs. 8
Alongside of prayer, Paul urges a practical commitment to assume the best about your adversary. If you stew on what your antagonists did wrong, replaying the memories to yourself and recounting your hurt feelings to others, you are sinning against God, who told you what to think about. Find something true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, or worthy of praise, and set your mind there.
6. Follow godly examples of conflict resolution, knowing that the God of peace will be with you in this conflict, vs. 9
Paul endured plenty of opposition from fellow believers (1:12-20). He knew what it’s like to be mistreated, maligned, and envied by those who are supposed to be on the same team. He learned how to rejoice in the Lord and his gospel through difficult conflicts. He’s shown us how one behaves when the God of peace is with us.
Who do you look to? Who’s looking at you?
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